These Advice shared by My Parent Which Saved Us as a New Father

"I believe I was just just surviving for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of fatherhood.

Yet the actual experience soon proved to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver while also taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every walk. The role of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his parent, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The simple statement "You're not in a good spot. You need some help. In what way can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His situation is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mothers and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties new fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his challenges are linked to a broader reluctance to communicate amongst men, who still absorb harmful perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a sign of failure to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially in preference to a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental state is equally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the space to take a pause - going on a couple of days overseas, outside of the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He realised he had to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotional states as well as the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, profound trauma caused his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "terrible choices" when he was younger to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he notes. "They might briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor how you're feeling. This can to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. Examples include going for a run, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, physical activity and if you can, resting, all play a role in how your mental state is coping.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their stories, the messy ones, and also the joys, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after you is the optimal method you can look after your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead provide the stability and nurturing he lacked.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their pain, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, sometimes I think my job is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a exchange. I'm learning an equal amount as you are through this experience."